My name is Rachel Wood, and im addicted to you.

I am going to dedicate this blog to mi pal Gina!
(Who is qawinly dinkly my bffl. and the only love i need in my life :D haha )

I have "it will rain" by bruno mars blasting through the house,
my baggy sweats on,
tarzan in my lap
and a carton of chocolate icecream.

Its offical.
Its finished between me and BK.

Then again nothing even started.

Enough though to make me fall for him.
fall
so
hard
for him.

I told him i had a crush on him.
i guess he was fine teasing my heart.
then i told him i liked him more and more everytime we hung out.
he teased my heart even harder.

My last name my be wood.
but my heart isnt made of wood.
it has blood, a pulse, and emotion.

Sometimes i wish my heart was my butt.
big enough to love everything
and squishy enough to take a break.

I was just his drug.

his quick fix he needed
before he lived his life.


The last thing ill probaly ever hear from him agian,

'Which is fine, but we shouldnt be hanging out if you like me,
beacuase i dont want anything more anymore.'

I really wanna delete the whole convorsation ive had with him.
and his number
and his facebook.

I just cant bring myself to it.

But i am going to

finally wash my shirt i wore the last time i was with him.
His scent only makes my eyes water even more.

Cover up this hickie (gross i know)
cuz everytime i look at it i cant help but cry.

Im not going to watch films with Amanda Seifried in them again.
The memeories of watching Gone with you is to much.

Im gonna find my tec bible and see wht you wrote in it.
probadly only your name..

But right now,
im ready to get cozy on the couch
watch titanic, or breaking dawn, or the notebook.
any movie that shows TRUE love.

Them im gonna wait till gina gets off work.
and burn some shit.

-WoodChuck </3

I thought you were going to be my everything.

i love  like you.

I dont blog enough...

I wish i blogged more. I wish i didnt have to work weird hours to try and get money. I wish i was one of the lucky kids who know what its like to be spoiled rotten by parents who just give them stuff, and not a teanager who pays for college, for phone, 60$ a week for gas, and is on the verge of being kicked out. I know its all a learning experiance and it'll pay off in the end but it still bugs me...working..ew. :P

I wish i blogged more. So people whouldnt think i was a nutty slut. Talking about a diffrent 'him' everyblog. Well im not a slut, or a nut. I usally just have to blog about when i first hang out with a special 'him', and when things crumble with a special 'him'.

I wish i blogged more. So i could tell you how badly i dislike papillion at times. I miss the town of 2000. If it werent for Gina, idk what i would ever do with myself. I hate this school. I hate all the homework and the pressure to be over succsessful. I hate the teachers who think they know everything about you just by looking at you. Sorry teach im not just some pathetic fat girl who eatts 5 chocolate cakes on her friday nights. I hate how theres so much to do but everything cost so much do re mi. I hate how its changed me.

I wish i blogged more. So hopefully someone could help me with my relationship wth god. The fire is dwindling down faasst. I find myself not wanting to go to church anymore or youthgroup or participate in adventures with my group. I love god, and i belive, but why is my heart aching waayy to much for him.

I wish i blogged more. So this next story wouldnt sound so crazy. Last night i went to go see a movie with BK. We saw the movie Gone cuz he swore it would be fantastic. haha its sucked maaajorly. He held my hand through the entire movie and sneaked a few kisses here and there. Afterwords we left and hung around for a few more hours. The night all together was fantastic. I have very strong feelings for him. Whatever feelings he had for me are long gone now.
He lives in lincoln. I live in omaha. Quite a drive. HE was nice enough to meet me in omaha and hang out here. At the end of the night i gave him directions to get back home and i was hoping all would be good. But sadly it wasnt. At 1:14 am he calls me because he lost in some other town. I offer to help him out but instead he yells and hangs up. He then calls again at 1:20 yelling at me with the f bomb every other word. I rush to my computer to see if i could google map anything but instead he just hangs up. I begin to cry.
The last time i ever heard from him and probadly will ever hear from him again was at 1:21 this morning. He sent me a two worded text that hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Fuck you."
Thats wen the tears really began to fall. Im sorry im sorry im sorry! i never wanted any of this to happen! AT ALL! you wanted to see me i wanted to see you and we arranged for it to happen. Im sorry it hasppened.
I couldnt sleep at all last night. Even if i magnaged ten minutes of sleep i shook awake becasue i was so worried about you. I still am. I wanna know if you made it home. Im scared spitliss right now. All i wanna do is curl up and listen to skrillex and smells the rest of your linger smell that still hold onto my shirt. Im so worried! i cant stand this torture anymore! How many times do i have to text you until you can finally text me back and say your ok!? Please help me out! My eyes hurt from crying and i just want a signal to know your ok....
i just want something from you.
since you probadly will never speak to me again.


I wish i blogged more. So someone, just someone would tell me everything will be ok.

-Rachel

My friends were right...

How could something i thought was going sooo great
crumble?
just
like
that.

Ok i know im a little weird, and im not the pretty blonde cheerleader everybody wants to get with,
but you saw past that,
you liked me for me
rachel wood! profess weirdo!

Saturday night was fantastic!
Hands down one of the greatest nights of my life
thanks to you :)
I was hoping you feel the same way,
you said you did
but now you keep going back.

idk what to think anymore.

plans were set for valentines day..
i was super excited!
had the money
was gonna do my hurrr all nice
and i was gonna look all fancy for ya

but you had to "Work"

i still had fun with gina at VI!
*single girl swaag night!*

Valentines day came and went

Wednesday was a bowling party with my moms work
i was doing super great!
i wanted to say hi so i sent you a text saying
'gawd i suck at bowling'

to which you replied with something about taking a girl bowling last night.

dude remeber wat last night was....?

valentines day.

didnt you have to work?

no? oh you just wanted to rip my heart out and tear it in a million peices throwing them on the ground and torching them watching my feelings for you go up into flames!?!?!

whatever.
my motivation for starting something is gone.
ive lost it all.
I feel abused and used,
because of you.

Im obssesed with the thought of you
and the pain just grows
how could you do this to me?
there was never enough in the world  that u could give to you huh?

Ok im done being a little girl.
even tho im gonna go cry
but my heart hurts...
i legitly thought you meant it.

guys just let there dick do there talking.

-WoodChuck


"I wish i could have quit you, i wish i never met you, and told you that i loved you everytime i f*cked you...the future we both drew and all the shit we've  been through, obsseed with the thought of you and the pain just grew and grew..how could you do this to me?"

Blondes do have more fun :)

Well heeelllooo Bloggity bloogger!
dyed my hairs blonde
got a monroe peircing
food, fun, and friends
check check check!
awesome friday night!

Wakity up at 10
do dishes, clean room
dinner and shopping with mom
convince her to let me stay at sashs
get gina to come to ashland with me
arrive to ashalnd
get together
and it all felt right :)
met up with an old crushidy crush
met at tec 2 years ago..
had an absoolluuttlllyy woooooonderful night!
he left
boo hoo :(
me gina jelly and sash head for dennys
biscuts and gravy hashbrowns and pancake ballsa
all at three in the morning mind you
head home
crash on sashs floor
absolutly wonderfully amazing saturday night :)))))

sunday's are always lame.
besides church. i like church.
nothing but homework and work.

omg i miss him..
why does he have to live an houurr away!

oohhhwweellll.

night~!
Woodchuck.





footer for sashums:
i still feel reaally bad..next time i get paid we'll go to walmart and ill by you a new set.
i feel god awful and kinda disgusted too about it :/
my bad. will NEVER happen again :) <3

i should make a movie outta my highschool akwardness...

Hello again!
 friecken hallways...im sick and tired of you..
and school..
and boys..
who tease with your mind and soul.

literally ran into him today.

turn a cornor and
BOOM!

oh but you werent alone

oh no no no

some girl was linked to your hand
holding onto dear life
like she was falling over a cliff
and you were her hero...

him: (outta shock of hitting someone) oh sorry...oh hai rach...(akward turtle)
myself: hello good sir...goodbye good sir.

begin walking away.

him: wait rach!

continue walking...hold tears..

the bathroom stall has never felt more like home...

idk why i got so worked up about it..
we never really talked about becoming a thing..
i guess assumptions took over.

i wish he would quit texting me
idc if ur with someone or not

its just a sign that things shouldnt happen anymore
with you and me
its just time i say my last goodbye i guess.

siiggggghhhhhhh

i swear im living in onneee biigg movie.

WoodChuck.

Akward turtle...

I hate the hallways at school for two reasons...one
with over 1,600 students
its almost impossible not to run into someone you know..
sometimes its good
but sometimes it annoys me
like alex...he can trip down the stiars..fall into some acid...start on fire..and take a million bullets in his chest..
nbd.

anyway,

i keep running into you!

your makng my head spin,
my heart race
my palms sweat

(thank god you dont always do hand shakes.....)

and two...MAJOR AWKWARD TURTLE-NESS-NESS-NESS-NESS-NESS!

Myself: Howdy.
Him: Hey (Akward hand going through hand move)

idk if thats good or bad.

Myself: What class you going too?
Him: Choir...you? (hands in pocket)

Myself: Hell...aka gym...with your sister :)
Him: Thats fun.

Myself: Yup...
Him: yup...

Myself: ....
Him: ....

Myself: Well i best get to class.
Him: Yeah me too

Myself: Kk peace

I leave...
heartbroken
sad...

bye bye sir...

*first lunch block*

Myself: Long time no see (ha)
Him: (ha) yeah, going to lunch?

Myself: I dont really have a lunch, i go to college...
Him: Right right forgot..i would have enjoyed a new table person.

Myself: ^.^ haha sorry..
Him: Its ok...so friday huh...

Myself: Yeah (Akward hair rubbing thing) Twas fun..(shoulder shrug)
Him: Yeah...

Myself: Yup...
Him: yuppers...

Myself: well i better goo...
Him: Yeah sorry for keeping you.

*handshake*
(shit sweaty palm nation..)

^not a grand sign....

oh well next friday me him and his sis are hanging...

well mainly me and her plooting to scarre the shit outta him ;)


my head hurts.
i cant like this kid.
and he cant like me.
its impossible

(for reasons i dont feel like sharing...)

and weird...

oh well...
 night world.


WoodChuck

Ive been waiting for this night for a long time...

Wow blogger long time no see :P

Last night...last night was quite magical :)
but its messing with my most inner thoughts and my poor little heart.
constiant butterflys keep fluttering in my tummy beacuase i know your right next door.
the perfect romantic movie...
open your window and there you are..
across the lawn in your house staring back at me with you beautiful brown eyes
making my heart flutter and my stomach in joy <3

Pandra you too are quite magical!
picking songs to match my mood :)

Scary movies are grand...especially with a person you really really really like for the longest time but could never ever tell them. :)))))
A scary green faced zombie appered, i screamed and my hand feel into yours.
you didnt pull away...
our fingers slowly interlaced
and my heart thumped rappidly.
ive been wishing for this moment for so long.
Our friend got scared and left to the room to go catch some z's
i couldnt bear not seeing the end of the movie
or
letting
you
go.

You wrapped your arms around me
my head rested on your shoulder
you held me tighter
quick pinch to see if i was dreaming...

i wasnt <3

i snagged a quick peek in your eyes..
"you look like bruno mars from this angle.."
he smiled and brushed my hair from my face
i smiled away and watched blood and guts splatter across the screen..

oh noo i feel it building
its coming out right now and i cant stop it..
i raise my hand

and sneeze :P

he flinched when i borught my hand back down
"Sorry!"
he laughed.
"Thats my tickle spot."

poke.
tickle spot.
poke poke.
he found my tickle spot.
poke poke poke
poke poke
poke
poke poke

GUNSHOT!

dead zombie.
soft breathe in my ear.
i look up right into his eyes.

quick smile flashes on his face
time stops
my neighbor
my classmate
my bestfriends brother
my secret crush..

presses his lips to mine.

My head spins
my heart thumps
my stomach explodes
he pulls away.
"Sorry"

"Dont be"

Lips found mine again.

What will it take to make or break these feelings?
Only time i guess..
but now i know..
he feels the same way <3

Though
it may seem like a stretch
and it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head
but when your away im missing you..

time for a cheesey middle school ending

AG+RW=<3

haha night world.

WoodChuck